Vulnerable / covert Narcissism

Vulnerable narcissism, also known as covert, fragile, or closet narcissism, involves a more reactive and anxious form of narcissism, often characterized by feelings of emptiness, shame, low confidence, and a need for validation. Researchers found narcissistic vulnerability was strongly associated with difficulties in emotional regulation, particularly in situations where they felt their self-esteem was threatened. A 2017 study on personality and covert narcissism found it was most strongly linked to high neuroticism (tendency to experience unpleasant emotions) and disagreeableness (also see neurotic narcissism). In contrast to grandiose (or overt) narcissism (which is what most of us think of narcissism — an overbearing, unempathetic egomaniac with a superiority complex), vulnerable narcissism’s self-focus is in conflict with a deep fear or insecurity. They’re more likely to internalize, act defensively, or take criticism more harshly than intended. While appearing vulnerable and introverted and seen by acquaintances as easygoing, they’re suspected by very close friends of being a liar. They prefer not to be the center of attention in large groups, but when safe will sulk if they’re not the center of attention. They’re more careful than grandiose narcissists about not letting their mask slip off, because they’re more self-aware about their pathology and work harder to keep it hidden — mostly because their real self is in starker contrast to who they appear to be. They are adept at using manipulation tactics to get their way (triangulation, silent treatments, gaslighting) — and are preoccupied with revenge or evening the score. They have a hard time “letting go” of the need to punish someone who did something they don’t like or bruises their ego. They’re better at feigning emotions and playing the victim. Also see Two-Factor Model and Narcissism. Facets:

• Fragile and contingent self-esteem, underlying insecurity/vulnerability easily threatened and overly dependent on others’ regard
• Hiding self, not showing own needs and weaknesses
• Devaluing others who don’t meet their own needs
• Self-sacrificing self-enhancement, by means of seemingly altruistic behavior
• Interpersonal exploitation using others to achieve goals without regard for their wellbeing.