Validation
« Back to Glossary IndexValidation is the process of recognizing and accepting another person’s internal experience — their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors — as making sense within their current life context. The goal is acceptance, not immediately jumping to solutions, which can minimize their feelings. Validation builds trust and self-esteem, fosters emotional regulation, and strengthens relationships, particularly intimate and therapeutic ones. We can validate someone’s feelings without agreeing with their perspective or approving of their actions. It simply communicates they’re heard/understood. In contrast, invalidation (rejecting, ignoring, or judging) can lead to low self-worth, emotional dysregulation, and more severe conditions, like borderline personality disorder. Self-validation involves recognizing and acknowledging our own internal experiences without self-criticism — crucial to self-compassion and healthy self-identity. Psychologist Marsha Linehan, creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), identifies levels of validation skills:
- Pay attention (mindfulness), giving the person our full attention, using non-verbal cues (eye contact, nodding) to show we’re listening.
- Reflect back and summarize/repeat what they said to confirm we’ve heard them correctly.
- “Read minds” (verbalize the unspoken) by guessing what they might be feeling, even if they haven’t explicitly stated them, to help them articulate their experience.
- Understand (contextualize) by showing their response makes sense given their personal history or current situation (“Given what you went through, no wonder you were scared”).
- Acknowledge (normalize) their experience by communicating anyone in their situation would feel the same way.
- Show equality (radical genuineness) by treating them as an equal and share our relevant feelings or experiences when appropriate
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