Compensatory Self-Regulation / Behavior

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Compensatory Self-Regulation/Behavior: Compensatory self-regulation is a defense mechanism to avoid confronting underlying insecurity or fears of being a failure, avoid anxiety or pressure, or deal with embarrassment, frustration, or urges. Narcissists engage in various compensatory behaviors to reinforce their false self and protect them from ego-threat. Sometimes it’s beneficial—choosing to excel in art or drama instead of warming the bench in sports. It causes problems when overused or misapplied. Also see De-Compensation. Compensation takes two forms:

• Overcompensation is overachieving in one area to compensate for falling short in another. A  competitive/ dominant person may exaggerate. People with difficult families may excel at work.
• Undercompensation is underachieving to make up for shortcomings by becoming overly dependent on others. A HS basketball player, anxious about not scoring, quickly passes ball to better player.

Examples of compensatory self-regulation:

• Other-derogation or belittling others to elevate narcissist’s perceived status and protect themselves from external threats to their self-worth.
• Insatiable validation-seeking by fishing for compliments, boasting about their accomplishments, or surrounding themselves with people who will praise them to feed their ego.
• Lying and exaggerating talents and achievements or inventing false narratives to convince others and themselves of their greatness.
• Externalizing blame due to hyper-sensitivity to criticism and intolerance of being wrong. When they fail or make a mistake, they will reflexively blame others to protect their delicate self-image.
• Selective relationships to be used as tools for ego reinforcement. They may date an attractive partner to boost their own status or associate only with people they consider “high-status.”